Monday, January 09, 2006

Black

I'm here because I can't watch Zaven's show anymore. All that talk about Bassel Flayhane and his last struggle with death is just too painful to listen to.
Too painful to listen to! Listen to me… There are people who actually went through the pain of his last days, lived every second of it, and watched him burnt, disfigured & mutilated, and I can't even listen to the recounting of the events!
I don't know to what extent we realize how much Lebanon has gained, when this man, who held many significant international positions, including a job at the World Bank itself, decided to leave everything and come back to his country; and I don't know to what extent we realize how much we have lost, when this same man, in the end of the journey… died. I just don’t know.

Oh well…

I had a nightmare yesterday. And I know "we're not supposed to" talk about our bad dreams, but what the hell... A very close member of my family died, alone, in a car accident. The mere intensity of the shock was enough to wake me up. It was as if someone had slapped me, or shaken me to wake up. Or maybe I was running away from the tragedy I knew I would be facing in my dream, to the safety of the real life. I remember it perfectly well, though: that feeling of a stab in the stomach, the nausea, the suicidal thoughts, the just-wanting-to-let-it-go wishes… all in the space of a few seconds! The next day, that same person told me she found a job, and that she's thinking of buying a car; that she'll have to make some occasional trips to the Bekaa, which means passing by some foggy, risky roads during winter. Don't ask me why, but I just freaked out.

I'm too "black" today. I'm a black leaf, a dark dress, a small crow… and I have some serious issues to solve, alone.

*Later Update* Silly me! forgot to say: Happy Eid everyone! Don't mind the above ranting. I think I spent too much time listening to this song. And I have the Nostalgia guy to thx for this :) !

6 Comments:

At Tuesday, January 10, 2006 9:30:00 PM, Blogger nobilis tobilis said...

I think that few persons have the skills to predict things that can happen in the future. It's not quite a prediction. It's the fact that some have or develop an acquaintance with the law of nature in a harmonious way so that they can feel the causal chain of actions and sometimes affect it. this can be developped with practices like meditation. Maybe this is what happened to you. I'm not telling that the person is going to have an accident. Maybe u saw one side of the reality (which is that ur relative is going to do trips to Bekaa) and you exagerated it in your unconscious mind. I don't know. I was trying to give an explanation. I hope it helped.

 
At Tuesday, January 10, 2006 10:04:00 PM, Blogger IronMask said...

بعرف أنه الاشياء التي تدعو للتفاؤل قليلة بس لازم يكون في شوية تفاؤل

وأنا كنت نسيت متلك انه الدنيا عيد
:))

كل عيد وانتي بخير،

(F)

 
At Tuesday, January 10, 2006 10:20:00 PM, Blogger Eve said...

Nobilis,
or maybe it's a sign that I have watched too many "Charmed"-like TV episodes :) but anyway, didn't ever happen that you thought of someone that haven't contacted you in a really long time, and then suddenly...pouf! you hear from them?! no, it's not a prediction, and I'm definitely not Nostradamus, or Michel Hayek (let's stay local) but I believe there's no such thing as coincidences.. I like to think they're the work of something divine, magical, metaphysical, ma ba3ref, you name it..

Ironmask,
you know me, I'm Mrs. Optimism! (I married the guy and apparently lost him in some bar for a while :p ) Hope your had a very good Eid :)

 
At Tuesday, January 10, 2006 10:55:00 PM, Blogger IronMask said...

اكيد انا بعرف انه ما بينقصك التفائل ، بس احيانا التفائل هوي اللي بينسانا وبيتوه عنا للحظات
:))

أنا رجعت لقول شي عن باسل فليحان، كان عندي كتير افتخار بهالانسان وبعتقد هالانسان عمل كتير وكان ممكن يعمل اكتر لو استمر،

بعرف انه مش ناقصه شهادة مني :)، لكن هي شهادة لأنه هاد الشخص من يوم تعرفت عليه وأنا بشوف انه عمل لأسم عيلتنا معنى تاني عندي،

بس يمكن الدنيا هيك ، ما بتكمل
:)

 
At Wednesday, January 11, 2006 11:54:00 AM, Blogger nobilis tobilis said...

No i'm not saying that it was a prediction. (Btw I hate Michel Hayek). It's morelike what we call the sixth sense. It's an ability that you can develop. euh! I can't believe I'm saying these things. I used to explain things in a strictly materialistic and scientific way. Life is changing me. Maybe I'm becoming more mature.

 
At Monday, January 16, 2006 12:06:00 PM, Anonymous nour adra said...

well, considering ur reply on nobilis comment...everything is present in 2 consecutive ways:

1- present by force (mawjoud bil 2ouwweh), before it takes place
2- present by fact (mawjoud bil we2e3), after it takes place.

some people got to feel or see the first phase!
u?

 

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