Eve-ntually...

As often, I asked the taxi driver today to play a song on the radio. After such a long day, I needed something to help me relax/escape on my way home.

"No, haram!" said the guy sitting next to him.
"Excuse me?"
And then I remembered: Islamic New Year (oh btw, yen3ad 3laykon)… Ashoura… ten mourning days, starting from today!
After that of course, I was lectured and taught a great deal about the subject. Did I look like someone who had no clue about it? Pfff, he'd be surprised. Anyway, I just let him do the talking. The last thing I needed was an argument in a taxi, at the end of the day.

Coincidently, earlier today, I had another argument with a friend over a religious matter (no, it's not "so Lebanese!", since it's not about two persons from different religions (duh!); it goes like this: leave me alone, I don't want to hear about Denmark, I don’t care, I just want to be left alone!) (euh, mood swings: I could have also said I don't care about children dying, people suffering, earthquakes etc.), at the end of which I received the following comment: "May God guide you to the right path/Allah yehdeekeh"… And in a I-pity-you tone! Argh, I call upon you, my destructive urges!

What's going on? Is this like the official day to point me out as an "infidel"? The funny thing is believers think I'm an atheist; atheists accuse me of being too much of a believer (well, I do tend to play the devil's advocate, or support the weakest of them once in a while, but even though...). Not that I care about what both parties think... Judgments!

All I wanted…
All I really wanted…
was listening to a song...

I don’t usually tend to forget birthdays. Not because I write them down or anything. I just don't forget birthdays of people I'm in close contact with, and whom I have been dealing with for a long period of my life. Come to think of it, I'm indifferent to people who call you on your birthday, just because they had written the date down somewhere, or because they had saved it in their mobiles.
Why am I talking about this?
Today, for the first time in my life, I totally forgot about my best friend's birthday!
And yes, it is a big deal for me! I feel weird because it never happened before, and kind of guilty. I know I would not really appreciate it, had it happened the other way around.

"Leih, shou fi lyom?" I had asked her. The nerve I got!

I guess it's not the right time to mention I've been noticing a couple of white hairs every now and then, is it?

Oh, I made a record today: finding a single word in the dictionary took me up to 5 minutes! My mind was obviously somewhere else. It was one of those moment, when you start skimming through the pages, wondering for a second what the right alphabetical order of the letters is.

Yalla, better go back to work. Still one week to go.

Ok people! I did it! I finally did it!
For the ones who are already familiar with my "Ammar" crush, I finally called him ya jamé3a!
If we subtracted the number of minutes I spent preparing for my so-called speech (hmm, could go to 30-45 minutes each time), I'd still say the decision to finally press the green button took me some courage! But since I'm apparently "khawta", according to the name constantly attributed to me by my best friend (thx best friend!), and that I always manage to put myself in situations like these, I just went for it.

- OMG! It's ringing! It's not supposed to ring!! It's supposed to say it's out of reach like the last time. And I'm supposed to call Mr. X, and tell him the number you gave me is "falso" ya akhouna! Urghh… I hope I don’t hang up when I hear his voice. Plz, don't let me hang up! Oh my God, he answered! Damn, that's his voice… (and what a nice voice it is :p!) So it WAS the right number! So, I just recited the couple of words I had in mind (I like your acting and blah blah; boy I sound silly as a fan!), so now what?

With a couple more "so"s, the conversation went on smoothly. He was quite nice and polite for someone who talks to you for the first time. In the end, he said… *listen to this*… he actually said he'll keep my number in his mobile phonebook, so that he'd recognize it next time I call! Yaaaay! (better take that yaaaay back; I don't want it to sound too hysterical :p) Make it a "Yay"!

Now, here is a silly question: how to define that fine line between "calling him before he forgets all about me", and… "being a stalker"? And we don't want that, do we?

I have one word for you: Elisabethtown!

A must-see movie:
Not because it's another romantic-comedy, forgotten-in-60-minutes movie (It's not);
Not because Orlando Bloom looks cute in it (He does);
Not because Kristen Dunst's famous line is: "I'm going to miss your lips. And everything attached to them";
Not because it's filled with symbols and hints (my favorite)…

Ya3neh… for the whole package and more. It's a movie about not letting fiascos keep you from living. It's about road trips, maps, a girl with red hats & ashes thrown away at unexpected shrines. It's about the simple life of American country-side people… their strange habit of turning funerals into real parties, where each person remembers the deceased in his own kind of way (never really understood that… Wearing colorful clothes, laughing and singing at a funeral? Or maybe we're the ones who have fake obsequies in this side of the world? who have turned the whole process into some sort of a ritual, with tears and everything; but a ritual truly cold and unemotional from the inside? Anyway, I digress. The point is I'm very satisfied with this movie, regardless of a few slips. So, go and watch (said in a not-so-bossy tone).

Of course, there's always that awkward moment (how could there be not? Walaw!):
A scene from the movie, with loud music and shouting characters; and then there is me who is constantly asking the guy next to me: "why is doing that; what; where; how etc.?" (yes, I usually do that a lot during a movie). And of course- just as you would expect: a change in the scene; total silence… nothing breaking it but the sound of my ardent voice in the movie theatre!

Hehe, I thought that was funny moment… and the funnier was that embarrassed look on his face. plus the way he… (toooot… you're digressing again Eve… bayneh w baynkon, I heard he's blogging, and I really wouldn't want him digging into this blog anytime soon).

Anyway, yalla, I'll call it a night… It looks like I'm paying this blog a lot of visits, lately. I better get out of my head the idea that I'm talking talking while nobody is reading; or else I'll end up saying things I shouldn't… really… say :p. oops, here we go again! Ok, so this is not mysteriouseve, but it's calmer enough for me to babble about nothing and everything. The truth is, for some reason, I've been avoiding mysteriouseve for some time. I'm a little tired, I guess. Yalla, we'll see how things go.

Khalas, I can't take it anymore!
Inno khalas ya3neh!
Uft!

My own version of Friday 13th started today as I woke up and went to brush my teeth. A not so pleasant scene in the mirror: my lip covered in blood… dry, thick, cold blood. Great! Inno I know I've been stressing out these last few days, but biting my lip during my sleep? Haydah yalleh kein na2esneh!

Anyway, I spent my weekend working on that damned never-ending book (Devastating Society), which actually devastated no one but yours truly. I've been dreaming of my own, free, personal time since ages. The truth is I didn’t think that accepting a second job would be as soul-killing as this one. All I want is to finish with hearing about el-madroub Bush and his neoconservative gang; about stock options, bonds and the latest economic theories of capitalism; about global warming and why the hell "ecology" is translated by "3elm el tabayyo2" in the stupid dictionary, etc… My deadline is finally approaching; when I think that I've had this book since nearly six months till now, I really wonder how I managed to survive all that time (yeah six months… taking into account that I finish my first job at 5:30 p.m., that it's a 320-page book, and that, in some evenings, I do feel the urge to have a life!). Pffff.

And did I mention my house is a freezer? With such weather, it's even warmer outside than inside. It would be crazy if I ever thought of moving around, away from a source of heat… Well, it's not like I want to nag or anything, but the most ironic thing is that I lost 100 phone units because I totally forgot to recharge my mobile today. Pouf! Gone! Just like that! "lam ya3od ladayka wa7dat", they say! Ah walla? Eh ok! Toz 3laykon!

I'm not seeing my friends much as well. The main reason is that because one lives far in the South, the other in the Bekaa; and I don't have much time to spare for transportations. Good thing they're busy these days with celebrating their one-year anniversary with husband/boyfriend; while I'm about to celebrate my own anniversary with… Bush. Ha! Niyyeleh!

I'm eagerly waiting for this month to end.
Then, comes the day when I'll throw all my dictionaries in a deep hidden hole. Maybe even burn them! Especially that "Harithi" Law dictionary, which dares call itself a decent dictionary, and that "Mawrdoush", which is already torn into pieces here and there (yeah, well, if you count the number of times it "accidentally" fell off my hands, you'd be surprised it's still hanging on!) oh, and don't worry, when you're a translator, you get to name your own dictionaries and have a favorite and least favorite son…eh, one.

Damn! Look at the time! Totally forgot myself here! Better stop ranting for today. I have to get up early tomorrow, after a so-called weekend. This poor neck of mine will be suffering the most, anyway. No time for a closure. You get the point: the usual ranting, in hope for some free time, all by myself & damn those translations, blah blah blah… last but not least: Bush, honey, it's not your fault, but we're breaking up.

Yalla, I'm out of here.

So I have kind of a passion for earrings. The weirder, the better. And I have always had a problem with arranging my collection, or looking for a lost earring, or keeping a pair from interlacing with another, or even doi... (ok, ok, I just realized I'm heading towards the shallowness path) but anyway, the point is I "suffered extreeeemely"…

Until I found my salvation:

A document I've been translating stirred my curiosity today about why we cry, and why is it that we, as women, are often accused of resorting to our "crocodile tears", to make the best out of a certain situation. I mean you've probably heard it all: women's tears are "the world's greatest water power", "stronger than any acid", and "every woman is wrong, until she cries". Confessions of a misogynistic mind, you'd ask?

Continue reading...

I'm here because I can't watch Zaven's show anymore. All that talk about Bassel Flayhane and his last struggle with death is just too painful to listen to.
Too painful to listen to! Listen to me… There are people who actually went through the pain of his last days, lived every second of it, and watched him burnt, disfigured & mutilated, and I can't even listen to the recounting of the events!
I don't know to what extent we realize how much Lebanon has gained, when this man, who held many significant international positions, including a job at the World Bank itself, decided to leave everything and come back to his country; and I don't know to what extent we realize how much we have lost, when this same man, in the end of the journey… died. I just don’t know.

Oh well…

I had a nightmare yesterday. And I know "we're not supposed to" talk about our bad dreams, but what the hell... A very close member of my family died, alone, in a car accident. The mere intensity of the shock was enough to wake me up. It was as if someone had slapped me, or shaken me to wake up. Or maybe I was running away from the tragedy I knew I would be facing in my dream, to the safety of the real life. I remember it perfectly well, though: that feeling of a stab in the stomach, the nausea, the suicidal thoughts, the just-wanting-to-let-it-go wishes… all in the space of a few seconds! The next day, that same person told me she found a job, and that she's thinking of buying a car; that she'll have to make some occasional trips to the Bekaa, which means passing by some foggy, risky roads during winter. Don't ask me why, but I just freaked out.

I'm too "black" today. I'm a black leaf, a dark dress, a small crow… and I have some serious issues to solve, alone.

*Later Update* Silly me! forgot to say: Happy Eid everyone! Don't mind the above ranting. I think I spent too much time listening to this song. And I have the Nostalgia guy to thx for this :) !