Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Leaf #12

You have to hear about this guy! Seriously ya3neh.

He's my ex-boss, hardworking yes, but simple and hard-fisted in a funny kind of way. Just to draw you the big picture, I'll say this: I remember there used to be two restrooms in the company, one available to all employees, but which one should count to ten before using (yak!); and the other, fancy and neat, but always locked up for the exclusive use of daddy (boss senior) and son (boss junior; a.k.a. the person in question). Boss senior and boss junior used to occupy the same office; and since they "disagreed" a lot, boss junior was a grumpy young man most of the time. Boss junior would also lose his temper if you were one minute late (and I do mean one minute), if you kept your personal things in your desk drawers, used a walkman or even laughed.

When I was in France two years ago, an ex-colleague of mine showed me her wedding tape. At one particular moment, she told me: "Right there, you see when we were all dancing and singing in the middle of the hall? See how he approached and whispered something in my ear? Do you want to know what he said?" I gave her an intrigued look and asked: "What?"
- He actually asked me: "where is that memo I asked you to write?" and the weird thing is: HE WAS SERIOUS ABOUT IT!"

Ok… all this talk about the guy is leading somewhere.
What I have missed mentioning so far is that boss junior has a crush on me, and hasn’t really got over the fact that I'm not working for him anymore. He calls every several months, and gives me a new offer, over which we negotiate vehemently. In the end, it goes like this: he finally agrees to the salary I impose, but then calls back two days later to say he has changed his mind. The whole process usually repeats itself every couple of months. As you have probably figured it out, I'm going through this phase right now. Only this time, I'm satisfied with my current job, and wouldn’t think of going back to that place again (where I only lasted for two weeks by the way).

Yesterday, he told me: "Eve, if my calls are bothering you, please say so!"
Finally he was sensing something! La2, inno ma3leih! Why do guys do that?! (Ok, don't answer that). Inno, when someone is not returning your phone calls; when the only useful words someone uses are: "ahuh… yes… no… really?"; when one keeps inventing reasons to avoid going out with you, for nearly a year up till now (by the way, to all the girls in the house: I have invented a dictionary for excuses- bita3 kollo; if anyone needs a tip, don't hesitate to ask); considering all this and more: do you really have to ask? I think he does. It's funny: with guys (ma tez3alo, most of the guys), it's more likely that you're keeping a mysterious terrible secret that is keeping you from calling them, than actually rejecting them. So, if you answered "no, walaw" to the above-mentioned question with an implied "yes", only blame yourself; and if your answer was "yes", you're a terrible heartless person who was leading him on (and above all, don’t you think it will work, I have tried it before but got a marriage proposal in return).

So, I chose the "no" answer and used the "work" excuse. I was awarded by the now famous line: "Oh, you're so boring!" Hear that? I'm so boring! Tayyeb, ma3leish, ma2bouleh. So why on earth are you still calling if I finally managed to bore you?!

All this talk about the guy should have made me feel guilty. Only it doesn't. The truth is, sometimes, I have much fun in turning him down. What an evil person I'm turning into!

Leaf #11

Yesterday, Martyr's Square.


Sunday, September 25, 2005

Leaf #10

I caught up a few minutes of this movie today, which I had seen several years ago, only to be surprised by how much one can see things from a different perspective after some time… and how manipulative the American media is of course. It basically relates how a simple beautician from the land of free American people is mistaken for a high-graduated professor of science, who is charged with teaching the kids of a certain prince. The principality has an Eastern European kind of name by the way, so we get the picture. However, the whole incident didn't cause a problem; seeing how ignorant communist people are, a beautician is not supposed to face any difficulty in handling the job! Among the other scenes I watched before rushing into changing the channel:
1- Beautician wants to go site seeing, prince's son says: you'll be back in twenty minutes.
2- Beautician runs across a party: finally, some civilization!
3- Russian/Eastern European people: severe, cruel, strict… but American beautician teaches them how to care and express their feelings. Etc.

Frankly, I was very irritated by what I saw, first because I had been to Russia, and was amazed by its potentials, on the tourism scale at least, which I'm sure are potentials that exceed what the United States has to offer. However, being relatively poor, the Russian media has not, of course, the capacity of its Western counterpart… which brings us to second: the movie clearly promotes the famous question I received from everyone before going on my trip: "Huh? Russia? What on earth are you going to Russia for?"

There, now I feel better. I had to speak to someone about this nonsense!

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Leaf #9

So I was heading to work today as usual, when I saw these two freaky persons, in one freaky truck, having the freakiest look on their face. Since explosions are a big hit at the moment, I said to myself: “Ya benet ya Eve, do your country a national favor and check what their car’s license number is.” What an original strategy, eih? As I made my way around the truck, and slowly lowered my head towards my designated aim, a thundering roar of the most ferocious cannibalistic dogs on earth greeted me most warmly. Now, I should note that I am definitely not a dog person; in other words: I definitely don’t care about dog issues and wouldn’t even think of pitying a “poor little puppy”, with “the most adorable cute eyes”, as some would put it. Mish bass heik, whenever we’re invited to my boss’s apartment, my first reaction is always: “lock the dogs out or I won’t show up!” The whole thing started when one dog chased me, back in my childhood, and I ran away from it as if running for my life... Anyway, the result of my attempt at being a national hero today is: appalled Evy + the two freaky guys turning out to be two internal security freaky guys. Justifiable freakiness you’d say! Well, they had a good laugh those two!

Akh, akh, ya Evy, the things you have to put up with! monstrous dogs, monstrous people.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Leaf #8

Go ahead and ask me what the best feeling in the world is. Yalla, come on, ask.

Two minutes ago, my answer would have been:
- To grab my dictionary when intending to look a word up, and open it at the exact same page I'm seeking! (It does happen to me, believe me).

Two hours ago, when coming back home, it would've been:
- My old neighbor coming out of the elevator, and murmuring: "God bless you, my child."

The list should supposedly go on further. I mean, a list of just two items? What's all the fuss about Evy? Yeah, whatever: with two such "best feeling"s in the world, happening in the same day, I think I can consider myself lucky!

One more thing... Well, this isn’t about the best feeling or anything, but it happened today as well, and it's kind of weird:
- Why is it that when you think/dream of someone you haven’t spoken to in ages, they sometimes end up calling you in the exact same day? Hmmm…. Mystery Shmystery.

Okay, this was my ten-minute break. Yalla, got to go back to Bush now (i.e. subject of my never-ending translations). A quick hi to Bridgette, my new reader :)

Stay tuned for the next leaf to fall.

* Update: Funny, I thought that finding words quickly in the dictionary will accelerate the pace of my work. Here I am finding out that the whole process of writing about it made me unexcusably late!

Monday, September 19, 2005

Leaf #7

If you want to know whether you're skinny, thin, fat, too fat, or just have a normal weight, check this test. Well, I think you already know how comfortable you are with your body, and don't need this sort of tests to tell you about it, but try it anyway. I got an average between 19 and 20, ya3neh somewhere between: "you're skinny, eat more", and "you have the right weight, don't change". Goodie, I can choose! To tell you the truth, I never had a problem with my weight, and never thought of depriving myself from a high-calorie dish in the middle of the night. Not just because I'm not over-weighted, but because of this: "if I don't enjoy this dish now, when will I? in the afterlife?". Since yesterday, it has been a year or so since I last weighed myself. Actually, there were even times in the past when I had to gain more kilos (especially when I broke up with that damned ex of mine, who turned out to be a real ******). Number of times in my life, when I tried to go on a diet: one (I know, I never understood those skinny people who think they need a diet too); because I thought I could use losing a couple of kilos, but ended up gaining more. So, now I just rely on the amount of emotional stress and heartbreaks to keep my weight steady… that and regular visits to the gym, which I'm not paying currently, for several reasons.

I usually receive this question from a lot of people: "do you think I gained some kilos since the last time you saw me?" My answer never changes: "I don't know, I don't take a notice of these things." Although they never get me, but this is the truth indeed. I would never know if a friend gained or lost a few pounds, even if it were that obvious. I can't really tell if the persons I care for are over-weighted or not. As long as they are comfortable with their selves, I can't see why it really should matter. Halla2, akeed you'd want your boyfriend for example to have the body of a Clooney instead of a Gandhi, but life isn’t that perfect :)

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Leaf #6

How about that?


As a translator, this is my chance to stress the importance of punctuation!
As a mild observer, I can't really say it came as a shock.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Leaf #5

I was acting weird today. I was acting funny. I had silly smiles on my face, and laughed at the most stupid jokes anyone can hear. No, I was laughing even if there were no jokes to be told. Friends were wondering who this strange person standing before them is.

I missed the bus as usual. It's not my fault, though; it's actually a curse, believe me: No matter what time I leave the office, I always manage to see it moving away at the end of the street, as if intending to tease me, which makes me run after it like crazy. Yeah, yeah, it happened today as well. This isn't my point. My point is: I just smiled.

Even when some passers-by gave me the "ya 7élo" speech, to which I usually pretend I'm indifferent (yiiii, 3ayb, walaw), I just smiled.

I'm wondering if this whole thing is just another fruitless attempt to hide some feelings of disappointment inside.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Leaf #4

I just received one of those unbreakable chains of forwards. I’m shocked as to who still believes in these things. Well, some of my friends, including those who have earned quite a number of degrees, do. Yes, some of these people still link the possibility of finding the man/woman of their dreams with the act of sending this email to several individuals at once. Just read this:

"So if you are a loving friend, send this to everyone on your list including the person that sent it to you. You have just been DEATHWISHED. Tonight, at midnight your true love will realize they like you. Something good will happen to you at 1:00-4:00 PM tomorrow, it could be anywhere. Get ready for the biggest shock in your life if you break this chain. Send this to 15 people in 15…"

OMG! People! I will receive the biggest shock of my life! I wonder what that would be. And a death wish kamein? Hmmm… I’m telling you, if something bad happens to me, you know which murderer to blame! Show no mercy, for they killed me in cold blood!

Worse than that even are those who say: “I never really believe in those things, but what do I have to lose? Let’s send it!” here’s my usual “pffffffffff” on that matter: Pfffffffff!

As for me, I'm not just preaching here. I have my moments too (nothing that looks like that though). Whenever I find a funny joke or an interesting piece of work on the internet, that’s when I usually consider sending them to my acquaintances. It’s because I want them to laugh as I did, or share the same "positively" unusual feelings I had.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Leaf #3 (Her Diary and His Diary)

Eve says: Men! When will you ever get it??

"HER DIARY: Day night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV, he seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Today India lost the cricket match. DAMN IT."

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Leaf #2

I deleted Leaf#2 yesterday. I wasn't sure it was the way I wanted this new blog to head. I mean had I wanted to think too much, I would probably have head to my other blog. So, here I am, picking up a new leaf. It's a bit weird to have this feeling again, the same feeling I had when I first started my blogging experience, about a year ago: writing in the middle of nowhere, without the slightest care about who's reading and who's not. Yeah, yeah, I know it won't last for long. However, I discovered I had had 32 visitors on my first day, mostly from the American continent. not bad! I'm sure leaf#1 and the whole orange thing meant nothing to you, though. Anyway, I have to start with my translations. I've already wasted too much time. What have I learned for today? well, not much, I've just woke up! I'm suuuure I'll learn something later, like: what the hell I'm doing here, working on a saturday? yeah, I should just stick that in front of me, with the word "stupid" in bold letters! khalas, once I finish with this book, it will be official: two jobs at the same time? Never again!

Leaf #1

I learned today I can no longer wear orange in Beirut without being judged.